Road House

(photo kidnapped from moviegoods)

Marci: I have half a mind to go home and watch Road House.
Melissa: You only need half a mind to watch Road House.

Gimme a Break

Marci and Melissa were out at the pool all day and around mid afternoon, Marci got stung by a bee. She then decided, hypochondriac that she is, that even though she was not allergic to bees last week, this week she was clearly allergic and my God, was about to go into anaphylactic shock at any minute. Melissa jokingly asked, "Do you want me to take you to the ER?" And Marci of course said, "I think you may need to." After rolling her eyes, Melissa got Marci an ice pack and had her relax for a second. After a few moments, Marci composed herself, turned to Melissa and in all seriousness said, "Whew, it was pretty touch and go there for a while." When Melissa told me this story I, like I'm sure most of you are wondering, asked, "What drama school did Marci attend?" Touch and go? Please.

So Uncalled For

Melissa just finished doing her hair and was overwhelmed at how perfect each curl turned out. She went downstairs on a gleeful cloud of happiness and said to her roommate, "Don't I totally look like Robert Plant?" Marci cigarette in hand like Bette Davis, looked up from reading her book and replied, "Oh, Robert Plant would never wear those plaid shorts." And promptly went back to her book. Ouch.

True Love

Last month I was hanging out with my two older brothers and of course, I brought over a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Davy was upstairs getting one and as he came down the basement steps this is what he said:

I've never told anyone this, but I think about this story every single time I eat a donut. Freshman year, first day of school, it was bedlam. No one knew where to go and the halls were packed with confused pimple faced kids. I could not find my locker, but luckily I got one of the teachers to show me where it was. I walk up to it and written in Sharpie on my locker it said 'Davy makes out with donuts'. Not Dave, or Bill, or Mike, but Davy. 'Davy makes out with donuts'. I still can't believe it.

As for me, I have made out with many a donut and I've yet to be disappointed.

Revenge

Tuesday evening, December 7th 2004, Penny stopped into the Hellmouth for a visit on her way home from work. She wanted a warm treat for a cold night, so I whipped her up a 16 ounce Eggnog Latte. That's two shots of espresso and about 14 ounces of steamed eggnog. About forty minutes later a call came through to the café. Kenny picked it up and after about 40 seconds he doubled over laughing. Penny had said, "Tell Star to get rid of that nog - it's poison." Kenny asked, "Why, is it bad?" to which she replied, and I quote, "Let's put it this way, if Hitler came back as my toilet it would be truly unfair."
The next evening I emailed Penny to tell her how hilarious that line was and here is her reply:
I literally had to SPEED to my house and RUN into the bathroom. And that was only the first wave. It would be a true disservice if I didn't tell you to get rid of that stuff.
Yes, Hitler. i had to come up with some kind of measure of the gravity of the situation. Not just, 'Oh, it made my stomach hurt' or 'I was miscarrying Satan's baby'.
On the bright side I think I lost 15 lbs.
But today there is no more signs of poo-hell-itis. And if that drink turned me off eggnog forever, The Hellmouth will owe me retribution. I will have my revenge!!! KAHN!!!!!