Insult or Compliment?

At the movies last month Melissa had her curly hair down with two lil' pigtails on the sides. She passed a mirror and then turned to me and said, "Did I tell you what my dad said when I had my hair like this?"
"Nope - what did he say?"
"He looked at me and said, 'You look like Barf.'"
"What the what? He said that to you? Why??"
Melissa explained, "He was trying to tell me that I looked like John Candy in Spaceballs cause of the pigtails looking like his dog ears. He meant well, but no one wants to be referred to as barf. Especially by their father."

Carol Burnett Show Commercial

Rock Hudson:

My wife...I don't know how she does it. She drives the kids to school, cooks the dinners, does all the housework, she shovels coal, skins buffaloes, does her own dental work, and also holds a full time job as a spot welder; and yet with all this she manages to take care of herself. She takes Geritone once a day. 

from episode Carol Burnett Show #817

Oscar Time

Bishop invited me over to watch "The Gay Super Bowl" and although I wasn't really interested, he did persuade me by saying, "We can make snarky comments about wardrobe and hair." My response? "Well, when I get down to debauchery and bitchery, I'm at my finest, so I'm in."

Not Even Close

Fr. Michael was telling me that this week at work one of the clients, a very dark skinned black woman, walked up to him, got him in a big ole bear hug and said, "You look identical to my daughter." Apparently her daughter is an extremely masculine gal who stands at 5'8" with a 5 o'clock shadow and is also half German, half Filipino.

Southern Gent

Seven had a customer one evening with a gorgeous Arkansas accent. She regaled Seven with a tale of her traipsing all over town looking for the book that she finally found thanks to his assistance. After stating that, "I got stuck in a mess of a storm and my wipers went and quit on me whilst I was driving down the road!" Seven took her southern wit and raised her with, "Yes, ma'am, that's worse den a possum goin' down a hole backwards." That it is.