Dear Iggy Pop,

(photo by Annie Leibowitz kidnapped from hollywoodtoday)

It's official, you've hit the big time. My 89 year old grandmother actually said to me the other day, "Dear, I am in love with that Iggy...Iggy Pop is it? Well, that John Barry song that he sings, We Have All the Time in the World, that you copied for me, I simply adore it. That young man has such a unique and lovely voice!"

LBJ

My BFF's father, Mark, was a constant source of humour in our childhood. We were reminiscing the other night about the time Amy's brother, and his friend, Carl, were over. Carl saw that Amy was reading a book about LBJ and asked, "Hey, Amy, what's that book about?" Mark turned down his newspaper and said, "You mean to tell me that you don't know who Lyndon BAINES Johnson is???" Carl replied in all seriousness, "Is she a tennis player?" Mark just grumbled under his breath and went back to his paper.

I Am Sawyer

I have a knack for giving nicknames to co-workers and regulars. The inspiration for all of this came from Cerpts, who I believe is responsible for giving Grey Haired Skank her name. Until I knew this I referred to her as Flintstone Feet. Here are some of my gems:

Hamburger Face

Sassy Britches

Footface

Hot Flash

Sexy Sleeves

Mr. Shit

Skullet Rob

Tapeworm

Starchy Pants

Clipboard

Mr. & Mrs. Mocha

Move Over Joan Crawford...

(photo kidnapped from allthingscrawford)

...there's a new diva to be reckoned with, and her name is Bishop. Last night Bishop and I were hanging out when we came upon the topic of this new thing with kids using bath salts as drugs and Bish went bananas. I mean, he lost his damn mind. He started ranting and yelled, "These mutha-fuckers are fuckin' up my bath time!!" Hmmm....gangsta, yet girly. Interesting combination, don't you agree? Don't fuck with this drama queen's bath time, cuz he'll cut a bitch. And you know it.

At Last

Fr. Michael informed me, tongue-in-cheek, just the other day that, "It's taken two thousand years, but Pope Benedict has finally exonerated the Jews for the death of Christ." Well thank goodness. I'm sure there were legions of Jews up nights worrying themselves sick over this. Maybe a few Romans as well, perhaps?

Sassy Scott

During game night at my brothers, we were playing Uno Attack! when the topic of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan came up. I said, "When I heard that the tsunami was heading to Hawaii my first thought was seriously, 'Oh my God, I hope Scott Caan is okay!' - it's twisted but I honestly was kinda concerned." Then from the other room, my brother Dave said, "He was in the air with T.C. so he's cool, don't worry." Nice reference, bro.

Die, Mommie, Die!

(photo kidnapped from playbill)

There are so many fabulously funny lines in Die, Mommie, Die! However, my personal favourite is when Angela's husband tells her, "Nobody would hire you to sing at a dog fight." Ouch! That's gotta sting....