Colombian Ice Cream Man

Talking via Skype this morning with Marina, a god awful sound came screeching through her open door. "What in the fuck is that sound?" I ask. "Ugh," sighs Marina, "there's a man outside my window honking. It's so annoying. He's like the ice cream man except he sells this horrible drink. It's basically corn kernels in milk. It's revolting." Sounds it.

Santa

Conversation between Ella and her four year old daughter:
"Mommy, Santa's not real."
"How do you know?"
"I Googled it."

More Black Books

You have brought nothing but pain, penury, and strife into my days. I wish you good fortune in whatever avenue of life you assault with your presence.

-Dylan Moran, genius

Die, Mommie, Die! (honourable mention)

"It's the size of a Nathan's Hot Dog!!"

Death Proof

From one of my favourite scenes:

Abernathy: There are other things you can carry other than a gun. Pepper spray.

Kim: Uh, motherfucker trying to rape me, I don't want to give him a skin rash. I wanna shut that nigga down.

(photo kidnapped from dvdactive)

The Dreaded Hat

Three years into working at the Hellmouth, the cafe staff were forced to start wearing hideous corporate baseball caps. People walked out in the middle of their shifts, frowns were worn daily, and heated arguments were held in the backroom. No one was happy - especially me. Seven stopped by to lend his support and throw some humor around the place. He approached the counter, looked at my pouty face and said, "Miss Star, I feel you should embrace the hat by going with a sombrero." I lasted another half year and moved on. I couldn't take wearing that god-awful thing. Baby had to move on to greener pastures!

Absinthe

The drink that makes you want to kill yourself instantly.

-Dylan Moran Black Books