Outline This

Reminiscing at work with Heart the other day, I asked, "Heart, do you remember outliners? You'd push the tip down and then it'd underline in gold or silver."

"Uh, no, ya fancy rich kid from Cherry Hill."

It should be stated that outliners were never expensive and that I was most definitely not a rich kid in the 80s.

Kids...

Marina was telling me about how she was nannying for the kids and she and Aneres, the nine year old, were sitting outside a water ice place waiting on Aneres' brother and sister. It was hot as balls and little Aneres wiped the sweat from her top lip and sighed, "Uhhh....my moustache is so sweaty."

In the Loop

(picture kidnapped from mposter)

My favourite scene between Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi) and Linton Barwick (David Rasche):

Malcolm: "Linton."
Linton: "Mr. Tucker, isn't it? Nice to see you again."
"Are you fucking me about?"
(laughs) "Is there a problem Mr. Tucker?"
"I've just come from a briefing with a nine-year-old-child."
"Oh, you're talking about A.J. A.J. is one of our top guys. He's a Stanton college prep, Harvard, one of the brightest and best."
"Yeah, well his briefing notes were written in alphabetic spaghetti. When I left I nearly tripped up over his fucking umbilical cord."
"Well I'm sorry that it troubles you that our people achieve excellence at such an early age, but could we just move on to what's important here? Now I understand that your Prime Minister has asked you to supply us with some, let's say fresh British Intelligence. Is that true?"
"Yeah, apparently your fucking master race of highly gifted toddlers can't quite get the job done..."
"Alright, alright."
"Between breast feeds and playing with their Power Rangers. So an actual grown up has been asked to fucking bail you out."

Genius writing by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche, and Armando Iannucci.

Lies? Truth?

When my cousin was little, my Uncle John was showing him my grandfather's Knights of Columbus sword. Inscribed on the blade were the words Knights of Columbus and when Ezekiel saw it he said, "Wow....look at this ancient writing...Was he a knight?"
"Yes he was."
"WOW, did he ever slay any dragons, Dad?"
"................of course he did."

Ew.

After I had left The Aisles, I stopped in one day and ran into my favourite fella, Gluegen. We were catching up on things when I asked, with a touch of sarcasm, about a certain unpleasant co-worker. He was kind of rude and had a great big belly. The kind that Dr. Oz warns about as being a sign of looming diabetes. Well, the word down the aisles was that this guy probably had a tapeworm, so we (or rather, me) started referring to him as Tapeworm. I ask Glueg, "How's Tapeworm?" Now I had heard that he quit and went to Europe, but no one delivers news like Gluegs: "Oh, he went to Ireland to have his baby." Fucking hilarious.

Doctor Kildare

Last summer I went w/Marina to the family chiropractor and as the young new doctor walked over to the receptionist desk I leaned over and whispered to Marina, "I'd like to straighten his spine..." Makes zero sense, but therein lies the hilarity!

No Habla Español

Melissa was telling me of how Darlene, her roommate Marci's daughter, was watching TV and stopped on HBO in Spanish. Darlene (who has a bit of a speech impediment) turned to Marci and said, "Dare jus' makin' dat up, Mommy. Day don't know what dare sayin'. Right, Mommy?"