Poor Fr. Michael always gets seated with the crazies at any event. Perhaps because he's a social worker who deals with disturbed and addicted individuals, people just automatically feel he'll survive an evening with the family nutcases. His sister's wedding was no exception and he was seated with the singles and psychos. He described them as such, "Liza, they were not of this planet. They acted as though they were in the King's Court. Everything they discussed was dialogue taken from The Tudors or some Shakespearian play. I finally couldn't take it, so when dinner was served I excused myself and went out to chain smoke 11 cigarettes. I came back, literally, forty minutes later and they hadn't eaten. One of them said, 'We wanted to wait until your return before we began our meal.' They sat there and waited like a bunch of idiots. They finally started eating and decided to go into extreme detail about every single bite. 'My, what a succulent morsel.' I'm telling you, Liza, I can't even begin to imagine daily living with these fools. I can't."
My other favourite wedding guest has to be the man seated next to Bishop at his friend's wedding. Let's call him Tony, shall we? Apparently Tony did not realise that the man on the other side of Bishop was in fact Bishop's husband, Pax. Throughout the meal Tony kept puttin his hand on Bishop's knee. Towards the end of the wedding, Tony went to the men's room and Bishop and Pax headed home. Later Vinnie (another guest at the table) called Bishop and said,
"Dude, that guy was totally hitting on you. He was clearly waiting in the men's expecting you to follow him and hook up. It was crazy. He seemed totally perplexed when, thirty minutes later, he came back to find you and Pax gone."
Bishop said, "Was he really?"
"He was totally blatant - he had his hand on your knee for the entire dinner, man. I totally saw it."
"I thought he was just being chummy."
Chummy, eh, Bish? Is that what they're calling it these days??
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