Friday, March 20, 2009
Bill from Produce Strikes Again
"I got a new email address. I chose leathercumpig because leatherpisspig was already taken." And none of us are surprised.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Bright As Yellow
And that he is. I'm speaking of our beloved Bobby Minn. He's been on the mind of late for nearly all in the Scraps family. So for this post, here's a little something from the past on Bob:
On March 16th of 2005, I was in the breakroom with AJ Pan and his gal Friday, Bunny. I told them that they had just missed it; Bobby's mom & dad had stopped in and they were almost as sweet as Bob. It was at this time that AJ finally realized that Bob actually had parents. This thought amazed him, because Bob is such a saintly decent man, that one would easily think that he sprang to life out of thin air. A miracle, as it were.
"Man, I can't believe it. Bob's mother. I mean, if she gave birth to Bob then I bet she shits pure light. Really! She farts, and it's the adagio of a classical piece!"
(y'know, i hafta agree with this...)
Earlier this year, I ran into Bob at the old place and was greeted with a brilliant smile and the warmest of hugs. I was told a story of when our mutual friend Laine had to call the store for her schedule and our Bob answered. Laine, ever the prankster, put on her sex pot Kathleen Turner/Demi Moore voice and said, "This is an obscene phone call......it's Laine!" Without missing a beat, our Bible reading, God-fearin' Bob asked, "What are you wearing?"
Back in oh, 2003-2004ish, Bob graced the walls of our place of business with his truly magnificent art. It was so astonishingly gorgeous that it immediately made one angry at having no assets to liquidate and purchase every piece for sale. Bea from the hair salon stopped in on her break one morning and told me how impressed she was. "Finally, ya get some decent art on these depressing walls." To which I replied, "Yeah, aren't they incredible? Our own Bobby Minn is responsible." "Are you serious? BOB did these? Jesus Christ! They're fuckin' fabulous!" I later retold this to Bob, who blushed at all the oo-ing and ah-ing and then laughed a nervous laugh when I said that apparently his work is so beautiful that it actually causes people to blaspheme in public!
Finally, about five years ago, our store got a new coffee in: Blackberry Mountain. It smelled like heaven and people either loved it, or hated it. Bob loved it. Leather, the gal who worked in the back, was of the hating party. I once discussed this coffee with her to which she stated, and I quote, "It tastes like ass." Later that afternoon, Bob came over and asked for a cup. I told him what Leather said and he laughed his sweet natured laugh and exclaimed, "She says it tastes like ass!?" He went back to work and I ran like a little girl back to Leather's desk and said "OH MY GOD! Bob said ass!!!" We both covered our mouths in shock and tried not to laugh too loud. Then, Bob went and topped it all. He came back after his lunch and said, "Hello Star! Do you have any of that Ass Coffee?" He laughed and had me doubled over until he said one of the greatest comedy lines in the history of funny, "You know, I like ass! (chuckle) I like ass with cream and sugar! (more chuckling)" I completely lost it and had a bout of the most painful side-splitting laughing fits ever. I love that Bob was as tickled at saying the word 'ass' as I was at hearing him say it. Of course I told everyone and had the entire building loving Bob even more than before. Who knew it was possible.
So, there you have it, a little walk into the past of my cherished memories of Bob. He's one of the great ones and here's hoping that he continues to live a long and super fabulous life. Cheers.
On March 16th of 2005, I was in the breakroom with AJ Pan and his gal Friday, Bunny. I told them that they had just missed it; Bobby's mom & dad had stopped in and they were almost as sweet as Bob. It was at this time that AJ finally realized that Bob actually had parents. This thought amazed him, because Bob is such a saintly decent man, that one would easily think that he sprang to life out of thin air. A miracle, as it were.
"Man, I can't believe it. Bob's mother. I mean, if she gave birth to Bob then I bet she shits pure light. Really! She farts, and it's the adagio of a classical piece!"
(y'know, i hafta agree with this...)
Earlier this year, I ran into Bob at the old place and was greeted with a brilliant smile and the warmest of hugs. I was told a story of when our mutual friend Laine had to call the store for her schedule and our Bob answered. Laine, ever the prankster, put on her sex pot Kathleen Turner/Demi Moore voice and said, "This is an obscene phone call......it's Laine!" Without missing a beat, our Bible reading, God-fearin' Bob asked, "What are you wearing?"
Back in oh, 2003-2004ish, Bob graced the walls of our place of business with his truly magnificent art. It was so astonishingly gorgeous that it immediately made one angry at having no assets to liquidate and purchase every piece for sale. Bea from the hair salon stopped in on her break one morning and told me how impressed she was. "Finally, ya get some decent art on these depressing walls." To which I replied, "Yeah, aren't they incredible? Our own Bobby Minn is responsible." "Are you serious? BOB did these? Jesus Christ! They're fuckin' fabulous!" I later retold this to Bob, who blushed at all the oo-ing and ah-ing and then laughed a nervous laugh when I said that apparently his work is so beautiful that it actually causes people to blaspheme in public!
Finally, about five years ago, our store got a new coffee in: Blackberry Mountain. It smelled like heaven and people either loved it, or hated it. Bob loved it. Leather, the gal who worked in the back, was of the hating party. I once discussed this coffee with her to which she stated, and I quote, "It tastes like ass." Later that afternoon, Bob came over and asked for a cup. I told him what Leather said and he laughed his sweet natured laugh and exclaimed, "She says it tastes like ass!?" He went back to work and I ran like a little girl back to Leather's desk and said "OH MY GOD! Bob said ass!!!" We both covered our mouths in shock and tried not to laugh too loud. Then, Bob went and topped it all. He came back after his lunch and said, "Hello Star! Do you have any of that Ass Coffee?" He laughed and had me doubled over until he said one of the greatest comedy lines in the history of funny, "You know, I like ass! (chuckle) I like ass with cream and sugar! (more chuckling)" I completely lost it and had a bout of the most painful side-splitting laughing fits ever. I love that Bob was as tickled at saying the word 'ass' as I was at hearing him say it. Of course I told everyone and had the entire building loving Bob even more than before. Who knew it was possible.
So, there you have it, a little walk into the past of my cherished memories of Bob. He's one of the great ones and here's hoping that he continues to live a long and super fabulous life. Cheers.
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