Laine's Had Enough

Store meetings at The Hellmouth usually consist of boring shit that either no one hears or we already knew to begin with. At one of these meetings, the GM was saying that with each sale made the cashier needs to mention whatever book is being pushed for that month as well as recommending something similar to their purchase. (Sidebar - Blaine is famous for suggesting Charles Dickens' David Copperfield for everything. Example: "Ma'am, would you like a copy of David Copperfield with your Lindor Truffle?") Anyway...at the meeting the GM went on and on about what suggestions should be made and so on and so forth until Laine had heard enough and blurted out, "What next? Do we ask if they want a blow job with their Oprah book selection?" Daaaammmmmn! Laine is a gal who does not hold back.

Puddin'

There are two games that I love to play in the car on long trips. Scratch that; on all trips. That is Bingo and Puddin'. Bingo is when you holler "Bingo!" when seeing a yellow car or truck (that isn't a utility/work vehicle) and by the end of the journey, whoever had the highest number is the winner. My nieces and I are addicted to it.
But few games bring as much laughter as Puddin'. It's simple; you think of a film and replace one of the words with Puddin'. Example: Hey Hey, It's Esther Blueberger could become Hey Hey, It's Esther Puddinberger. Here is a LONG list of examples from my old blog from 2006:
Rocky Horror Puddin' Show
Creature from the Black Puddin'
Blazing Puddin'
Jesus Christ Puddin' Hunter
When A Puddin' Calls Back
The Puddin' Book
28 Puddin's Later
Night of the Living Puddin'
The Towering Puddin'
The Puddin' Escape
Once More With Puddin'
Howard's Puddin'
The Silence of the Puddin'
Faster Pussycat Puddin' Puddin'
The Puddin' Has Eyes
Texas Puddin' Massacre
Peggy Sue Got Puddin'
The Eyes of Laura Puddin'
Citizen Puddin'
Gosford Puddin'
Remains of the Puddin'
9 1/2 Puddin's
Risky Puddin'
Dirty Puddin'
The Day the Puddin' Stood Still
Somewhere in Puddin'
The Four Puddin's
Puddin' to Me
Pretty in Puddin'
High Road to Puddin'
12 Angry Puddin''s
Ferris Puddin's Day Off
The Puddin' of Greenwich Village
Adventures in Puddin'
Mrs. Puddin' Presents
Pride & Puddin'
Puddin' & Prejudice
Bridget Jones' Puddin' Diary
Beyond Puddin'
Twin Peaks: Puddin' Walk With Me
La Dolce Puddin'
Mulholland Puddin'
The Last Temptation of Puddin'
What Ever Happened to Baby Puddin'?
Rosemary's Puddin'
Octopuddin'
The Maltese Puddin'
Puddin's are Forever
Flight of the Puddin'
From Puddin' With Love
Little House on the Puddin'
The Puddin' Rose of Cairo
Midnight Puddin'
All About Puddin'
3 Men & a Puddin'
Deer Puddin'
The Journey of Natty Puddin'
Curly Puddin'
The End of the Puddin'
Bye Bye Puddin'
Gone With the Puddin'
The Manchurian Puddin'
North By North Puddin'
They Shoot Puddin' Don't They
The Sound of Puddin'
West Side Puddin'
Stealing Puddin'
Pink Floyd's The Puddin'
Lady Sings the Puddin'
Easy Puddin'
It's A Wonderful Puddin'
Puddin' at Tiffany's
It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad Puddin'
Broadcast Puddin'
The Lost Puddin'
198puddin'
The Puddin' of Madison County
Rear Puddin' (sounds like a discharge)
Puddin' on 34th Street
The Pud, The Bad, & The Ugly
The Madness of King Puddin'
6 Degrees of Puddin'
Under the Cherry Puddin'
Seven Brides for Seven Puddin's
How Stella Got Her Puddin' Back
Plan Puddin' from Outer Space
All the President's Puddin'
The Wicker Puddin'
Regarding Puddin'
Puddin' on the Ritz
Easter Puddin'
White Puddin' Can't Jump
A Tale of Two Puddin's
The Exorcism of Puddin' Rose
Puddin' of the Baskervilles
You've Got Puddin'
O Puddin' Where Art Thou
Meet Me in St. Puddin'
Boyz in the Puddin'
Fistful of Puddin'
Field of Puddin'
Sleepless in Puddin'
The Andromeda Puddin'
Nightmare on Puddin' Street
The Puddin' Clause
Pee Wee's Big Puddin'
Of Mice & Puddin'
East of Puddin'
Not Without My Puddin'
Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Eatin' Your Puddin' in the Hood
How to Lose A Puddin' in Ten Days
Ace Ventura: Puddin' Detective
Puddin' Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Anatomy of a Puddin'
Streetcar Named Puddin'
Ben-Puddin'
Throw Puddin' From the Train
This Puddin' is Condemned
Suddenly Last Puddin'
Desperately Seeking Puddin'
Who's That Puddin'
Bill & Ted's Excellent Puddin'
Saving Private Puddin'
Behind the Puddin' Door
Debbie Does Puddin'
Earth Puddin's Are Easy
Spiderpuddin'
When Harry Met Puddin'
How Green Was My Puddin'
I Never Promised You a Puddin' Garden
50 1st Puddin's
War of the Puddin's
Puddin' on a Plane
Valley of the Puddin'
Good Night & Good Puddin'
The Devil Wears Puddin'
Hitchhikers Guide to Puddin'
The World According to Puddin'
Puddin' Blvd.
Less than Puddin'
A Fish Called Puddin'
Lord of The Puddin'
-The Fellowship of the Puddin'
-The Two Puddin's
-The Return of the Puddin'
Scent of a Puddin'
Mystic Puddin'
The Puddin' of the Mohicans
The Trouble with Puddin'
Annie Get Your Puddin'
Million Dollar Puddin' (served at the Algonquin Hotel)
The Puddin' Brief
Prêt-à-Puddin'
Psycho Beach Puddin'
Alien vs. Puddin'
Office Puddin'
Monty Python's Holy Puddin'
Life of Puddin'
La Belle et la Puddin'
The Puddin' of the Christ
Jesus Christ Superpuddin'
The Truth About Cats & Puddin'
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Puddin's
Napoleon Puddin'
Spongebob Puddin' Pants: The Movie
The Blues Puddin'
Puddin' at Heart
Puddin' Streets
Welcome to the Puddin'
The House on Puddin' Hill
The Flying Leather Puddin's
The Quiet Puddin'

These are ones that Blaine came up with:

I Was A Teenage Puddin'
House of 1000 Puddin's
The Puddin' Always Rings Twice
She's Having A Puddin'
Stir of Puddin's
Bringing Up Puddin' (sounds like they're a little ill)
House of Flying Puddin's
Crouching Tiger HIdden Puddin'
The Puddin' Under the Stairs
Schindler's Puddin'
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Puddin'
Weird Puddin'
The Owl and the Puddin'cat
The Mirror Has Two Puddin's
On a Clear Day You Can See Puddin'
The Lion in Puddin'
Puddin' of the Year
To Have and Have Puddin'
Farewell, My Puddin'
Dude, Somebody Stole My Puddin'
Shadow of a Puddin'
Puddin' in the Rain
20,000 Puddin's Under the Sea
Lara Croft: Puddin' Raider
Fried Green Puddin's
Star Wars: The Puddin' Menace
Groundhog Puddin'
A Low Down Dirty Puddin'
Puddin'fellas
Madonna: Truth or Puddin'
The Puddin' of Dr. Caligari
Ordinary Puddin's
Die, Puddin', Die!
I Walked With A Puddin'
Cat Puddin'
Curse of the Cat Puddin'
Lethal Puddin'
Mad Max Beyond Thunderpuddin'
Puddin' Interrupted
The 40 Year Old Puddin'
Bring Me the Puddin' of Alfredo Garcia
The Pudd Earth (by Pearl S. Buck)
Raging Puddin'
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Puddin'
The Puddin' Was Green
The Long Hot Puddin'
Pud (starring Paul Newman!)
Clear and Present Puddin'
Rebel Without A Puddin'
Porn Star: The Legend of Ron's Puddin'
Inherit the Puddin'
Arsenic and Old Puddin'
8 Puddin's in a Duffelbag
Under a Tuscan Puddin'
Barefoot in the Puddin'
Close Encounters of the Puddin' Kind
Dick Puddin' (starring Warren Beatty)
Risky Puddin'
Puddin's of the Caribbean
Trading Puddin's
Full Metal Puddin'
Coal Miner's Puddin'
Puddin' and Maude
Manos, Hands of Puddin'
Puddin' Got Served
Invasion of the Puddin' Snatchers
I Am A Fugitive from a Puddin' Gang
Puddin' of the Apes
Soylent Puddin' (Ahhh! The Puddin' is PEEEEEEEEEEOPLE!!!)
Puddin'ship Down
Terminator 2: Puddin' Day
Indepuddin's Day (IP4)
Polterpuddin'
Bedknobs and Puddin'sticks
Puddin'shack
A Cool, Dry Puddin'
Bio-Puddin'
Big Top Puddin' Wee
Shall We Puddin'
A Puddin' To Remember
Wait Until Puddin'
With Six You Get Puddin'
Curse of the Mummy's Puddin'
The Angry Red Puddin'
Forbidden Puddin'
Bleak Puddin' (by Charles Dickens and nominated for a bunch of Emmys)
The Courtship of Eddie's Puddin'
Journey to the Center of the Puddin'
What's Eating Gilbert Puddin'
A Puddin' is Born
Out of the Puddin'
The DaVinci Puddin'
Guess Who's Coming to Puddin'
Harold & Kumar Go to Puddin' Castle
The Puddin' Brief
The Puddin' Vanishes
Dead Men Don't Wear Puddin'
The Wild World of Batpuddin'
The Puddin' Trap
The Legend of Lizzie Puddin'
Two Puddin's Before the Mast
The Puddin'slayer
Rasputin the Mad Puddin'
Any Given Puddin'
The 7th Puddin' of Sinbad
The French Lieutenant's Puddin'
I Married a Puddin' from Outer Space
An Officer and a Puddin'
The Roman Puddin' of Mrs. Stone
Shirley Puddin'tine
Who is Killing the Great Chefs of Puddin'?
Island of Lost Puddin's
Voyage to the Bottom of the Puddin'
Have Puddin', Will Travel
Star Trek III: The Search for Puddin'
The Puddin's Have Eyes
Puddstock: The Movie
Ed Pudd
Dracula Has Risen from the Puddin'
Fat Man and Little Puddin'
Rosenkrantz & Guildenstern are Puddin's
Much Ado About Puddin'
H. R. Puddin'stuf
Mary Puddin's
Enter the Puddin' (with Bruce Lee)
Jefferson In Puddin'
Puddin' Along the Mohawk
Five Easy Puddin's

This game is essentially endless and I highly recommend coming up with your own. It's a fab way to pass the time!

Blaine's Porn Star Name

"Jack Turgidly. Not only am I a porn star, I'm also an adverb."

The Ice Cube of The Hellmouth

Once while at the counter daydreaming, Blaine quickly walked up, stood directly in front of me and said, "I just checked myself...and I've wrecked myself." He then dashed off leaving me in stitches on the café floor mats. God damn that fella is a hoot.

Cerpts & Bishop

Years ago at the Hellmouth, if I recall the story correctly, Cerpts & Bishop were in the break room chatting. They had only been working together for a brief time at this point and had discovered in one another a common thread. Food. They apparently got into a deep discussion of what each one's finest meal was, and at one point Cerpts said, "You should come over to my place one day and I'll make dinner and you can bring dessert." Bishop replied with mock surprise, "You'd let a black man in your house?" "Well, somebody has to serve us," Cerpts deadpanned thus making Bishop howl out loud. Ya gotta love that Cerpts.

Cuteness From Blaine

Back when I worked the café at the Hellmouth, I would often times sneak over to the cage in the music department. Once while back there hanging out with Blaine the Music God, I noticed a giant rubbermaid trashcan with a lid and a vacuum hose attached. I inquired and he said it was used to get the packing peanuts out of incoming orders and save them for future shipments. Being a child of five years old, I became ecstatic and clasping my hands together in glee asked, "Next time will you page me so I can come and use the peanut vacuum? Pretty please??" Blaine, being the most hilarious and adorable man to ever exist responded, "Sure. You can suck my nuts anytime." Only he could deliver a line so crass, but make it sound terribly endearing.

Vocabulary Lesson

"Hey Blaine, what's unctuous mean?"
-a bit of a pause....
"Like, can you use it in a sentence?"
"Yes. 'Jon Lovitz is unctuous.'"

A Wisecrack from Blaine

"Celine Dion uses the equator as a headband."
I personally never thought she had a gigantic head, but apparently I seem to be alone in that thought.

Cheeks on cheeks

Cheeks: "Y'know, I wonder how much of my come would fit into those dimples..."

I'm certain that many a man, and perhaps a handful of females as well, have pondered that very same thought. A shout out to Blaine for telling me this back in '05; I feel I've found a fellow deviant in Cheeks after hearing this bold and honest statement. Mmm...Sawyer....