We Heart Andrew Duggan

Here's a text I sent to my little brother, Xavier, while watching an ep of McMillan and Wife. He immediately knew the actor's face from our favourite childhood Wonderful World of Disney show, Fire on Kelly Mountain AND he even remembered Duggan's character's name. Unbelievable.

(photo kidnapped from disney.wikia)

Crazy Cat Lady

 

Oz

Today I was FaceTiming with Xavier and he was telling me about an old episode of Oz when one character filed his fingernails into daggers and then went ballistic on a prison guard. Scratched the hell out of him. As a sidebar, Xavier's stepdaughter has an evil cat named Cay Cay or Kay Kay or KK, who the fuck knows how they spell it. So I said, "So this guy pulled a Cay Cay?" Without a beat, Xave hit me back with, "Oh, he totally Cay Cayed the shit out of him." I'm telling ya, that kid cracks me up.

Convo with Xavier

I was FaceTiming with my little brother and told him that my godmother got work at a holistic studio in Philly.
"She's like, the Reiki priest? Wizard? Grand poo-bah."
He said poo-bah and I doubled over laughing and smacked my head on the table. It's such an underused word...

Walking Dead

FaceTiming with Xavier today, we got on the topic of Lennie James and basically how kick ass that guy is and Xave told me that he was on a Dead ep not long ago - finally. Being that I am forever behind the rest of the world and have only seen seasons one and two of The Walking Dead, Xave filled me in on *spoiler alert* Lori's death. I already knew about it and was only too pleased since she was not a favourite of mine.

I asked, "So how did she die, anyhow?"
"Carl put her down."
"Shut the fuck up. Are you serious?"
"Yeah, she had the baby and Maggie had to deliver and they had to do a Caesarian."
"Shit. Maggie's the girl on the farm? Glenn's girl, right?"
"Yeah, that's her. Well, for a C-section they basically saw ya in half, yank out your guts and toss 'em on your chest. Then they go into the uterus and pull the kid out. I mean, it's major surgery."
"And clearly this wasn't being done in a hospital."
"Fuck no! So, she basically bled to death cause no farmer's daughter can fix that. I mean, I don't know how she is with fuckin' drapes but she ain't savin' Lori, ya know?"

When Xavier said drapes I completely lost it. That kid cracks me the hell up. After my return from Europe we are catching me up on all the eps I've missed. God bless DVR.

Brad Paisley

FaceTiming with Xavier today and he asked me if I was familiar with Brad Paisley. I'd heard the name but knew nothing more about him. Xave went on to say, "You should check him out. He's no Shakespeare or Bernie Taupin, but he's got some good-ass lyrics. He writes from the heart."

Robert Davi

Texting conversation between myself and Xavier:

Me: dude! Robert Davi put out an album of sinatra songs! it's really good - i think i'm gonna buy it.
Xave: Who?
Me: "Jake, up! Come on, move it!"
Xave: No shit! Jake Fratelli?
Me: the one and only! heard some of it at the movies last night and was blown away.
Xave: Just like fuckin' Saigon!
Me: I was in Junior High, dickhead.

(Davi fans will need no explanation.)

Predators

Last night I was watching Predators - starring that smoldering bookish bad ass Adrien Brody - with my little brother, Xavier. Half way in, Xave says, "Ya know Doug's dad was a mercenary."
"Doug Cunningham?"
"Yeah. And a Mormon. A Mormon mercenary."
"Don't hear that everyday."
"No, ma'am, ya don't."

Handy Men

Marc was in the garage working on a car with Xavier and he was using a wrench and no matter how hard Marc tried, it wouldn't budge. It got to the point where his hands were all red and sore. Marc looked down at them and then over to Xave and in a solemn voice said, "They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they? I always thought that's what they were..." Xavier, right on cue, followed up with, "My little friends...I couldn't hold on to them." And in unison they said, "They look like good, strong hands, don't they?"

(photo kidnapped from revelations-guild)

Great Minds...

...think alike. Responses from myself and my brothers David & Xavier to an email sent from our mother:

Mum:
Hey I just heard that Joey Vento of Geno's steaks died of a heart attack. It is that damn cheese!

Sent from my iPad

Me:
good riddance. one less racist to plague our city.

Dave:
or the fact that he was a raging racist filled with hate....
Hate and cheese filling will eventually kill any man.

and Xavier:
Yay!!! I hated that guy!

(We are a family who hates hate.)

We ♥ Charlie

(photo kidnapped from fanpop)

My entire family is mildly obsessed with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (with the exception of my father, of course. Marines don't laugh.). Back in, I guess, late 2007/early 2008, I stopped over my parents' to find my mother watching the show. My mother is a nice Irish Catholic Girl from Hallahan, so the fact that she was watching Sunny was nothing short of astonishing. Apparently the rough and tough Jersey girls from her office were talking about the series and how incredibly hilarious it is and Mama Rose decided to see for herself. I walked in at the end of The Gang Finds a Dead Guy from season one and saw Charlie eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs (what else could it be?) and wearing a Nazi officer's cap. I was instantly intrigued. This year all three of my brothers finally got around to checking it out and we are all equally in love with Charlie. The other night I showed Melissa the ep Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender chiefly for the scene in the Range Rover when Charlie screams like a little girl. Here are the texts sent between myself, Melissa, Xavier and Mum:

Melissa: I keep thinking of that scream all day, I keep randomly laughing out loud. ☺
then later: Honestly, can't stop laughing about charlie.

Xavier: Dude, Bosses was so good. charlie Day is awesome!!!

Star to Xavier: whenever charlie screams an angel gets its wings. of this i am certain.

Star to Mum: did you see Horrible Bosses w/barb??

Mum: Yes it was funny. I loved the 3 guys, especially Charlie.

Random Excerpt

Me: "So Xavier has been driving my car, I'm driving Gina's, and Gina's been driving Xave's Bonneville..."
Amy: "It's a good thing my father's dead."
"What the?? Huh??"
"Yeah, he wouldn't wanna live in a world without Pontiac. Every car that man ever owned was a Pontiac."

Straight Outta The Navy Yard

Marina and I stopped by Hawkins this evening to hang with my brothers, their ladies and Xave's girlfriend Genie's two kids. After reading bedtime stories and playing a little Guitar Hero 5, Marina and I said our goodbyes and headed to the garage to say good night to the smoking section. Marina was giving out hugs to Lexi (David's gf) and Xave when Dave said,
"Whoa, whoa...Marina, you jus' drop the F-Bomb?"
"Uh, yeah I did. Y'got a problem with that?"
"Whatever...Sailor."
(laughs) "Oh, I am so a sailor. And I do live near a Port."
As Marina and I head down the drive to little Truman, Dave yells, "Hey, have a good night, fucker."
Whatever, we laughed like hell.

The Cool Hand Luke of Hot Dogs

(photo by xavier kent)

It all started with Wayne telling Dave,

"I can eat 16 hot dogs."
"Get the hell out of here. There's no way you can do it, bro."
"Seriously, buns and fixings; the whole nine."

"I'd like to see that."

"I did a trial run."
"What, three?"
"No. Two."

Enormous laughter from Dave until he can say, "That's a trial run???"

"Well, I went into it imagining that I'd be eating sixteen."

"And?"

"And, it's gonna be tough."

Eventually Wayne stepped up but could only manage to eat seven. He wanted to save room for dessert. But we are still proud of his attempt.

The Mighty Quinn

Here is Xavier's truck, The Mighty Quinn (which incidentally, he purchased from my pal Melissa). Not too long ago, my brothers and I were all hanging out in the kitchen at Hawkins and Dave asked Xavier how the truck was running. Xave said, "Well, it only has a tape deck so I had to go diggin' through my closet and I found Dad's old cassette tape of the soundtrack to Footloose." Dave's response was, "That's the perfect vehicle for jamming out to the Footloose soundtrack. Except for maybe a combine." That's very true.

Catholic School Blues

Last night Fr. Michael and I were reminiscing about grade school, he was several years beneath me, and he told me of a certain nun who taught after I had moved on to Junior High. Her name was Sister Bernice and she was, according to Michael, thee worst teacher ever. Each time the class would have a test she would say, "Hmm...today's test will be open book. And it's okay if you wish to share with your neighbor." So basically every test was open book and you were allowed to cheat off of the person next to you. Ridiculous. Then Michael said, "When Sr. Bernice would get mad, she'd get all red in the face and start yelling like a football player." The fact that he referenced the intensity of her rage to that of an American football player had me laughing til I cried. I asked Xavier if he had Sr. Bernice and his texted response was, "Yeah. She was a real c-word."

Amen

Leaving Hawkins, Xavier noticed that my car is due for inspection in a month or so. I told him that Fr. Michael is still driving around in Jean-Michel (my old 626 that i sold to him two years back) with a sticker that expired November of last year. That's when Dave said, "He's inspected by God." Let's hope he doesn't get pulled over by an atheist cop.

This one's for you, Michael Douglas.

My brother Xavier is the king of movie quotes. He's so good that it's actually quite frightening. Last week at Hawkins, I knocked one out of the park. Marina was over and she was talking about her travels with Xavier & Wayne. She mentioned wanting to volunteer in Guam or Panama or Colombia. Xavier asked where in Colombia to which Marina replied "Cartagena. It's one of Colombia's largest cities and is right on the coast." I interrupted with, "Angel, you are hell and gone from Cartagena." Marina dismissed it because she didn't catch the reference but Wayne burst out laughing, "Man, that was a good one. I can't believe you pulled that one out." It was a proud moment in my humble little life.

(foto kidnapped from dvdbeaver)

Bad Blood

Tuesday afternoon my brothers David and Xavier were helping to move our brother Wayne and his father. Wayne's dad is eccentric like the way Phil Spector is eccentric. Dave told me that after sweating through 3 changes of clothes, they finally were able to make it to the back of the U-Haul truck without dropping dead from heat stroke. (It needs to be stated that Mr. Karis is a bit of a hoarder.) When Dave walked all the way to the back of the truck he saw a keg. He went to move it and discovered that it was near empty; as was the one beneath it. Dave sees Mr. Karis and hollers, "Hey, what's up with these kegs, man?"
"Oh, one is from Wayne's christening and the other is from Lydia's christening."
"You're shittin' me."
"No, really, they are."
"Well, you'll have til Friday to say goodbye cause we're dropping them at the curb."
And apparently they were Schaefer kegs. Yikes.

He's So Hawt.... (used to be, that is)

Last night Marina and I went to Hawkins to hang with my brothers Xave & Wayne. We arrived during The Ride of the Valkyries scene in Apocalypse Now. Marina had never watched the movie and so I was telling her that the young men she saw were none other than Martin Sheen ("What? You mean that's not Emilio Estevez???"), Larry Fishburne, and Robert Duvall. As Duvall walks across the sandy beach, Marina says, "Mmm...he's hoootttt. I would so climb on top of that..." Well, don't hold back, sweetie. (Sadly, Duvall grew into a cantankerous old coot that turns my stomach.)