Wick Away

Years ago, Marina and I were searching for hiking socks for her trip to Machu Picchu. The fella at REI told us to look for ones that "wick away". We had never heard of this term and were told that those types of socks wick away moisture. That made even less sense. I still don't fully grasp how this is possible. Anyway, from that moment on we talked of nothing but things that wick away.

Marina: "Here's a shirt that wicks away. It's on sale - for thirty nine bucks!"
Star: "Jesus, fer that much money if yer drownin' in the ocean it better wick away til you're settin' pretty."
Marina: "If you're in a raft it blows you out of the water and propels you onto land.

So not true.

FaceTiming with Marina yesterday she gasped the moment she saw me and declared, "You are so thin. Your arm is like the size of my pinky toe." So, basically I'm a circus freak. Thanks. 'ppreciate that.

Monster

Chatting with Marina the other day and she was telling me of her three month old son's giant burp. "I was walking to the kitchen with him on my shoulder, lightly patting his back and it was like King Kong burped. It was so loud I was afraid to look at him. I thought there'd be guts all down my back. It was truly terrifying."

Colombian Ice Cream Man

Talking via Skype this morning with Marina, a god awful sound came screeching through her open door. "What in the fuck is that sound?" I ask. "Ugh," sighs Marina, "there's a man outside my window honking. It's so annoying. He's like the ice cream man except he sells this horrible drink. It's basically corn kernels in milk. It's revolting." Sounds it.

Little Pedro

When Marina taught Spanish to second graders there was one little boy who was very against learning a new language. He became very upset and start whimpering like a little puppy. Marina took him out to the hall and asked him what was wrong. Peter explained that he didn't want to learn Spanish. Marina explained, "That's okay, I understand. Learning new things can be very scary but you have the whole school year to adjust to this and I promise that I will make it fun and exciting and that you will be totally fine in class. You don't have to worry." He calmed down a bit and went back to his desk. As class ended and the students went to their next class, Peter came up to her desk and said once again how he did not want to learn Spanish and that he will never get used to it. To make his point very clear he told her, "It took me a year, a year, to eat a slice, a slice, of a pickle." By the end of the year he would be known as Pedro, the boy who loved Spanish.

Concession

While waiting in line at the concession stand of Marina's local movie theatre, we stood, mouths agape over the prices. This is nothing new. Everyone who attends their local cineplex is appalled at what they charge. It's as if the theatre is unaware of the cost of these items in the real world. The small is 16oz, medium is 24oz, and then large is 64 oz. It makes zero sense. I turned to Marina and said, "This is ridackulous. It's like 'Ma'am what are your sizes and prices?' 'Well, we have an eyedropper for $4.25, a thimble for 5.25, and a trough for 5.75.' And therein lies the absurdity. The entire system of sizing and pricing was clearly set up by a team of brain dead orangutans." Marina and I then decided to leave the queue and head to theatre with only our saliva to subsist on.

Over-reactor

Marina went to my brothers' place last week to get an oil change and hang out with the gang. She picked up brownies ahead of time and brought them over for the kids. They were in the car in the heat for the drive over and therefore were warm as though just out of the oven. Little Z, who is seven, took a bite and said, "Why are these warm??" Marina looked right at him and in all seriousness said, "Because I farted on them." Clearly Marina is well aware that boys love to talk about farting and burping and anything gross, so she expected him to bust out laughing. He did not. Little Z burst into tears and even after Marina told him that she was joking, he refused to eat "The Fart Brownie." Lucky for his older sister, she didn't care what happened to the delicious treats-she gobbled hers down and went after Z's.

Takers

Marina, Cole, and I went to see this cinematic gem not too long ago. Suffice it to say that the film was as dreadful as I knew it would be. But my niece wanted to see it, so Marina and I assailed our eyes for the evening. My favourite part was when T.I. said to Michael Ealy something along the lines of, "You took my money, you took my bitch..." That's when Marina turned to Cole and I and said, "He must have really loved her..." Yeah, totally. If you get an opportunity to see this film - turn it down.

The Cat That Will Never Be

Not terribly long ago Wayne, Marina, and I were on our way to Delaware. I was the one stuck in the back seat and I was in a foul mood. Wayne, in trying to draw me into the conversation occurring up front, asked, "Hey, Star, if you had a cat, what would you name it?" Without thinking I responded, "Death. So I could drown it." After I calmed down, I said it would be Alice for a girl and Scuttlebutt, Scut for short, for a boy. I'm not much of a pet person.

God Bless The USPS

While driving home from work, Marina was stopped at a light, leaning her weary head upon her wrist and looking out the passenger window. She saw a postal worker out on his route who was 6'1", with enormous biceps that strained against his light blue shirt, a shaved head and skin like The Rock's; he was nothing short of pure perfection. She later told me that he was, "The very picture of who you want to come to your door were you to hire a stripper."

Visiting Cousin Amanda

Over the summer, Marina went around the corner to meet our cousin Amanda's new baby and to bring a little gift. Here is the text that she sent as soon as she got home:
"i went to amanda's to meet the baby and give her a gifty and she was sleeping which at first was fine bc she has a newborn - then i saw past her and who was lying dead sound asleep alongside her at 545 in the afternnon? None other than her helpful husband...Seriously, i worked an entire day and spent $$$ on an outfit for ur baby only to come see u in bed sleepin gettin paid by the govt to raise ur truant kids! Wtf mate?!?"
Clearly, we have a deep afinity for our relatives. Not.

Text Message from Marina

Driving behind a rock dumping truck today and it's logo "Rock A Fellas - we dump in your back yard" how gross is that?!? I think i would go rockless for eternity just based on their ad!
(8:20am 9/14/2010)

Marina's Tattoo

Marina was nannying for Aneres when she asked about her tattoo:

"Why don't you wash that off?"

"Because it's permanent."

"But why don't you get rid of it?"

"I don't want to get rid of it. I like it. I chose it."

"Well, you poor chosely."

Straight Outta The Navy Yard

Marina and I stopped by Hawkins this evening to hang with my brothers, their ladies and Xave's girlfriend Genie's two kids. After reading bedtime stories and playing a little Guitar Hero 5, Marina and I said our goodbyes and headed to the garage to say good night to the smoking section. Marina was giving out hugs to Lexi (David's gf) and Xave when Dave said,
"Whoa, whoa...Marina, you jus' drop the F-Bomb?"
"Uh, yeah I did. Y'got a problem with that?"
"Whatever...Sailor."
(laughs) "Oh, I am so a sailor. And I do live near a Port."
As Marina and I head down the drive to little Truman, Dave yells, "Hey, have a good night, fucker."
Whatever, we laughed like hell.

Mommy Marina

When Marina was little she had a giant plastic baby doll who was as big as her. Marina loved this baby more than anything else, so she decided to give it the most beautiful name in the whole world. Septa.

The Mouths of Babes

Marina was nannying with Aneres and they got on the topic of the facts of life. Aneres said, "You know that when I was five I actually thought that boys had boys and girls had girls." Her brother said that was totally stupid, but I think it's bloody brilliant and makes total sense.

En Español...

Marina started teaching Spanish to her third grade class today and so far she is in love with all of her kids. They seem like a pretty funny bunch. Today she told me that Karl raised his hand and asked, "Miss, do you know how to say 'buttered bald monkey head' in Spanish?"

This one's for you, Michael Douglas.

My brother Xavier is the king of movie quotes. He's so good that it's actually quite frightening. Last week at Hawkins, I knocked one out of the park. Marina was over and she was talking about her travels with Xavier & Wayne. She mentioned wanting to volunteer in Guam or Panama or Colombia. Xavier asked where in Colombia to which Marina replied "Cartagena. It's one of Colombia's largest cities and is right on the coast." I interrupted with, "Angel, you are hell and gone from Cartagena." Marina dismissed it because she didn't catch the reference but Wayne burst out laughing, "Man, that was a good one. I can't believe you pulled that one out." It was a proud moment in my humble little life.

(foto kidnapped from dvdbeaver)

Kids...

Marina was telling me about how she was nannying for the kids and she and Aneres, the nine year old, were sitting outside a water ice place waiting on Aneres' brother and sister. It was hot as balls and little Aneres wiped the sweat from her top lip and sighed, "Uhhh....my moustache is so sweaty."

Doctor Kildare

Last summer I went w/Marina to the family chiropractor and as the young new doctor walked over to the receptionist desk I leaned over and whispered to Marina, "I'd like to straighten his spine..." Makes zero sense, but therein lies the hilarity!