Christmas w/Fr. Michael

Not being a fan of large crowds, I showed up extremely late at Michael's parents' home for Christmas Eve. Mostly everyone had gone and it was so much nicer. On the porch during our smoke break, Michael told me the following, "For this having been a Christmas party we only had one Christian family. The Lee's up the street are Buddhist, we had two Jewish families, the five Muslims from 7-11 that my father befriended, the Africans across the way there - he's a professor of African Religions so who knows what they're doing behind closed doors; cuttin' up chickens or something, and then we had a couple of Wiccans. All here to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Is my family crazy or what? But honestly, I wouldn't change a thing - everyone had a wonderful time and I'm so glad you came." So was I - but next year, I am definitely showin' up on time!

True Nightmare

Fr. Michael went to see the latest Nightmare on Elm Street when it was in the theatre. He was describing the clientele of the movie theatre and said that during one particular scene the "gentleman" behind him said, "Uh, huh huh, yeah....he gone fuck dat bitch hard." Michael turned to face this person and said, "Um, you're a farm animal."

Handy Men

Marc was in the garage working on a car with Xavier and he was using a wrench and no matter how hard Marc tried, it wouldn't budge. It got to the point where his hands were all red and sore. Marc looked down at them and then over to Xave and in a solemn voice said, "They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they? I always thought that's what they were..." Xavier, right on cue, followed up with, "My little friends...I couldn't hold on to them." And in unison they said, "They look like good, strong hands, don't they?"

(photo kidnapped from revelations-guild)

The Perfect Gift

Mom to her three year old:

"McKanna, what do you want for Christmas?"
"Um, a gorilla and post-it notes."