You said it, Da...

Years back, at Terri and Dave's wedding, my father and I, not fond of religious events having both been raised Catholic and had quite enough of such gatherings, stood in the lobby just outside the church before the ceremony was to begin. I looked up suddenly and saw a plaque on the wall stating that the cathedral we were in (pause - it was essentially a cabin with an alter. I've seen a cathedral, this was not one of them.) was a Protestant church. I made eye contact with my father, then tilted my head toward the plaque, one eyebrow raised. He read the words, turned his back to it, looked out the glass windows and said, "Like being in the belly of the beast."

Circle of Life, Simba

Over dinner with BFF Amy the other night we discussed her life on the farm. She and her husband are raising chickens and turkeys as well as keeping bees. Amy spoke of the deer they killed on their land, using a crossbow, and told me all that occurs when a beast goes from buck to venison. I asked if she had to take classes on how to gut a deer to which she replied, "Everything I know about butchering animals I learned from YouTube."

Unknowingly Cruel

Michael told me a while back about one of his clients greeting him and his co-worker Diane. The client sweetly turned to Diane and with all sincerity told her, "Oh, Diane, I wish I could put on weight like you do." She smiled and then went about her day. But da-yum....that's just cold.

Franklin Mills IS Gross

Ashlee:

"We went to see a Kevin Hart movie in Franklin Mills. Franklin Mills is gross. The theatre smelled like sausage and hot wings. We went to leave half way through and this guy at the end of the row didn't get up. Dude's like a giant. I'm like, 'Move! You're big as shit!'"

We Heart Andrew Duggan

Here's a text I sent to my little brother, Xavier, while watching an ep of McMillan and Wife. He immediately knew the actor's face from our favourite childhood Wonderful World of Disney show, Fire on Kelly Mountain AND he even remembered Duggan's character's name. Unbelievable.

(photo kidnapped from disney.wikia)

Pennsatucky

I had to hit pause and collect myself after this line. Puppy night-night? Oh my lord Jesus. Too freakin' funny!!

Crazy Cat Lady

 

Farewell to AJax the Cat

Amy told me that the way she found out that AJax had passed away was when she came home from school and asked where he was and her father just waved bye-bye to her. So cold...

Maria Bamford

In Ms. Bamford's Special Special Special when she pretends to be her mother contacting Maria's sister in regards to the fact that Maria may in fact be missing and says, "I would stretch the shallows for your sister's body but we're out of ginger snaps and your father loves ginger snaps..." I nearly choked to death from laughing. Oh my god, that woman is too stinkin' funny!!

Growing Up Baptist

I asked my bestie one afternoon while driving on the Schuylkill Expressway, "Hey, Bish, what religion were you raised in?" He groaned his response, "Baptist." Clearly Bishop did not have any fond memories of this time and went on to say about how his mother would pinch him if he slouched or acted out of place in any way. "But I will admit that it had its moments. Ya know when someone gets the Spirit in 'em, it can be entertaining at the very least." Preach!

I had the weirdest...

...dream last night. Ya know those people that can't help but tell you of their dream? They don't mean to bore you to tears, it's just the only way to work out what their mind is trying to tell them. Not me, though. When I have a weird dream it is truly weird and can usually be summed up in one sentence. Anything more than that and you lose your audience. So, last night I dreamt that the Three Tenors reunited but they replaced Pavarotti with Russell Crowe. I've been in the waking world for well over ten and a half hours and still can't grasp that notion. It's absolutely terrifying.