Rhoda

From season 1, episode 2 of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, where a couple visiting Mary pretty much ignores Rhoda and she says, "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm another person in the room."

Words o' Wisdom from Mr. Swinehart

Mr. S. at the office messages the following to me. I'm not sure of the significance of the date or where this came from but Lord A'mighty did it make me laugh!

11/25 mark your calendar

Saying "you need to calm down"
- lacks empathy
- a rude command
- stating the obvious

Saying "good, good, let the hate flow through you"
- affirmative of their feelings
- confirms it is normal to be upset
- helps them embrace the unlimited potential of the dark side

The End is Nigh

I have no idea why I wrote the below but I am certain it was in regard to one of my jobs and management's meddling and making things even more miserable, while they act like the changes they are to enforce are a wonderful thing when they never are.

Stop trying to paint a holocaust in pretty pastels. Out future is grim and bleak - don't lie about it to our face.

This Girl Ain't Havin' It

Bitching with a coworker about getting Quality Assurance reviews, I said how much I loathed that the adviser would tell me all the teeny tiny Mickey Mouse bullshit things I did wrong and then try to end on a high note with some incidental bit of praise. I was so angry I wanted to say to the guy, "Look, pal, don't bother to complement my gown while you lead me to the guillotine."

 

Pneumonia

Try to say this word and pronounce the silent P. It's damn near impossible.

Wick Away

Years ago, Marina and I were searching for hiking socks for her trip to Machu Picchu. The fella at REI told us to look for ones that "wick away". We had never heard of this term and were told that those types of socks wick away moisture. That made even less sense. I still don't fully grasp how this is possible. Anyway, from that moment on we talked of nothing but things that wick away.

Marina: "Here's a shirt that wicks away. It's on sale - for thirty nine bucks!"
Star: "Jesus, fer that much money if yer drownin' in the ocean it better wick away til you're settin' pretty."
Marina: "If you're in a raft it blows you out of the water and propels you onto land.

The Office

One of my all-time favourite moments in the US TV series version of The Office, and there were many, was in season seven episode five called The Sting. Michael and Dwight were spying on rival salesman Danny Cordray played by Timothy Olyphant, who removes his suit jacket to display his hotness even more. Dwight speaks first with Michael giving one of his best lines ever. Jim just looks on in bewilderment.

 

 

 

Frank's Take on Chuck

Listening to Frank Langella's audiobook for his memoir Dropped Names was so wonderful that I have to share his description of Charleton Heston on the blog that I have left in the dust for over four years. Langella said, "He possessed about as much sex appeal as a railroad tie and was almost as humorous as a CAT scan." Oh my god, that was so funny I had to pull the car over, wipe my eyes, and then rummage in the glove box for pen and paper so as to write that gem of a statement down.

You said it, Da...

Years back, at Terri and Dave's wedding, my father and I, not fond of religious events having both been raised Catholic and had quite enough of such gatherings, stood in the lobby just outside the church before the ceremony was to begin. I looked up suddenly and saw a plaque on the wall stating that the cathedral we were in (pause - it was essentially a cabin with an alter. I've seen a cathedral, this was not one of them.) was a Protestant church. I made eye contact with my father, then tilted my head toward the plaque, one eyebrow raised. He read the words, turned his back to it, looked out the glass windows and said, "Like being in the belly of the beast."

Circle of Life, Simba

Over dinner with BFF Amy the other night we discussed her life on the farm. She and her husband are raising chickens and turkeys as well as keeping bees. Amy spoke of the deer they killed on their land, using a crossbow, and told me all that occurs when a beast goes from buck to venison. I asked if she had to take classes on how to gut a deer to which she replied, "Everything I know about butchering animals I learned from YouTube."

Unknowingly Cruel

Michael told me a while back about one of his clients greeting him and his co-worker Diane. The client sweetly turned to Diane and with all sincerity told her, "Oh, Diane, I wish I could put on weight like you do." She smiled and then went about her day. But da-yum....that's just cold.

Franklin Mills IS Gross

Ashlee:

"We went to see a Kevin Hart movie in Franklin Mills. Franklin Mills is gross. The theatre smelled like sausage and hot wings. We went to leave half way through and this guy at the end of the row didn't get up. Dude's like a giant. I'm like, 'Move! You're big as shit!'"

We Heart Andrew Duggan

Here's a text I sent to my little brother, Xavier, while watching an ep of McMillan and Wife. He immediately knew the actor's face from our favourite childhood Wonderful World of Disney show, Fire on Kelly Mountain AND he even remembered Duggan's character's name. Unbelievable.

(photo kidnapped from disney.wikia)

Pennsatucky

I had to hit pause and collect myself after this line. Puppy night-night? Oh my lord Jesus. Too freakin' funny!!

Crazy Cat Lady

 

Farewell to AJax the Cat

Amy told me that the way she found out that AJax had passed away was when she came home from school and asked where he was and her father just waved bye-bye to her. So cold...

Maria Bamford

In Ms. Bamford's Special Special Special when she pretends to be her mother contacting Maria's sister in regards to the fact that Maria may in fact be missing and says, "I would stretch the shallows for your sister's body but we're out of ginger snaps and your father loves ginger snaps..." I nearly choked to death from laughing. Oh my god, that woman is too stinkin' funny!!

Growing Up Baptist

I asked my bestie one afternoon while driving on the Schuylkill Expressway, "Hey, Bish, what religion were you raised in?" He groaned his response, "Baptist." Clearly Bishop did not have any fond memories of this time and went on to say about how his mother would pinch him if he slouched or acted out of place in any way. "But I will admit that it had its moments. Ya know when someone gets the Spirit in 'em, it can be entertaining at the very least." Preach!

I had the weirdest...

...dream last night. Ya know those people that can't help but tell you of their dream? They don't mean to bore you to tears, it's just the only way to work out what their mind is trying to tell them. Not me, though. When I have a weird dream it is truly weird and can usually be summed up in one sentence. Anything more than that and you lose your audience. So, last night I dreamt that the Three Tenors reunited but they replaced Pavarotti with Russell Crowe. I've been in the waking world for well over ten and a half hours and still can't grasp that notion. It's absolutely terrifying.

American Psycho