Dental Humour

My dentist is thee best dentist in the entire universe. I adore him and everyone in his office. Today, sadly, I was getting a filling. Dr. Davis was removing the existing filling in the tooth and filling it and the small cavity that had formed in between the teeth. ANYWAY, he's drilling and says, "Geez, this is a deep filling. This may eventually need a crown. Wow, this is really deep. Wait! I think I see a Chilean Miner!" If his fist wasn't entirely in my mouth I would have busted out laughing.

Pat's Steaks

My brother Wayne once told us, "I like to go down to Pat's sometimes and stand on the plaque that says Rocky stood here. Stand there; feel good."

Should you ever visit South Philly and want a cheesesteak and can't decide between Pat's or Geno's - go for Pat's. Geno's is lousy with racists whose heads are as vacant as their souls. Geno's makes me ashamed to be from Philadelphia. That and the place is a total eyesore. Feel good and go with Pat's. (although I'm told Steve's Steaks are the best in the city)

Crazy Mike Goes Country

One day at The Aisles, Crazy Mike came up with a country styled song for a zombie film. He would walk down the juice aisle, straightening the bottles, and sing, "♪ I'm a face chewin' sonuvabitch!! ♫" It was catchy as all get out.

Mo Rocca

This was the funniest thing that Mo said on the entire run of VH-1's I Love The series: "David Koresh probably really isn't the Messiah, and if he is then the FBI really screwed up."

Straight Outta The Navy Yard

Marina and I stopped by Hawkins this evening to hang with my brothers, their ladies and Xave's girlfriend Genie's two kids. After reading bedtime stories and playing a little Guitar Hero 5, Marina and I said our goodbyes and headed to the garage to say good night to the smoking section. Marina was giving out hugs to Lexi (David's gf) and Xave when Dave said,
"Whoa, whoa...Marina, you jus' drop the F-Bomb?"
"Uh, yeah I did. Y'got a problem with that?"
"Whatever...Sailor."
(laughs) "Oh, I am so a sailor. And I do live near a Port."
As Marina and I head down the drive to little Truman, Dave yells, "Hey, have a good night, fucker."
Whatever, we laughed like hell.

The Wheel

While watching Wheel of Fortune with my father, the female contestant went bonkers when she won the big cash prize. Da turned to me and said, "I think she browned her drawers." I'm sure she did.

Il Duce

Disclosure: Let me state that I am not a fan of this individual in any way shape or form.

Okay, on with the story. My cousin Ryan works as a jazz guitarist playing gigs all over Center City with various musicians. One evening last month, he was playing with Marco who decided to let Ryan have a solo while he stepped out to have a smoke. Marco is relaxing and looking up at the night sky when all of a sudden he hears, "Hey man, can a bum a smoke off ya?" He looks over and it was Danny Bonaduce. Apparently Bonaduce does a talk show for a local radio station and lives near the bar where Ryan and Marco were performing. As Marco was reaching in his pocket to give Bonaduce a cigarette a thought entered his head. He paused and withheld the cigarette and said, "If you want this smoke, you gotta stick your head in the door and tell my buddy Ryan playing the guitar 'hey'." (Hey, you wanna dance, you gotta pay the band, right?) So Ryan's in the middle of playing Corcovado when out of no where, the door beside him swings open and Danny Bonaduce looks in and says, "Hey, Rye, what's up?" and then disappears back into the night.