Buster Bloodvessel

Best name for a lead singer ever!

(photo kidnapped from thejournal)

Stinky

"Ew, the other day at yoga in my autistic class, one of the kids farted and it smelled so bad I had to rinse my mouth out."
This sentence had me in stitches for several minutes and even now has me cracking up.

Mrs. Le Bon

(photo kidnapped from topfloormusic)
Heart at work was telling me about a friend of hers in high school named Staci. Staci was obsessed with Duran Duran lead singer, Simon Le Bon. So obsessed in fact that she would act as though the two were really an item. "She was deeply disturbed," Heart explained, "We would be at the Cherry Hill Mall and she would be looking at the men's ties and say, 'Don't you think this will look so good on Simon? I know he'll just love it.' Then she would seriously buy it! And then send it to him in England!!! I can't believe her mother didn't get her some help. Star, she actually saved money to fly to the UK and stand outside his house. She was a sick, sick girl." Sounds it.

Ridackulous

"Hey, Marina, did you freakin' hear about the new reality show that's gonna be on?"
"Noooo.....Should I be frightened?"
"Oh, most definitely. They actually stole the idea from an old ep of Arrested Development. If memeroy serves, when Maeby pulled into the studio lot, there was a billboard in the background that said Skating with the Stars."
"Oh my God, seriously? Seriously? That's totally horrible. I mean, what next, Gravedigging with the Stars??? Stupid."

Separated at Birth??

"Hey, Peg, do you like James Patterson?"
"Aw...from Eight Is Enough?"
"Um....that's Dick Patterson."

Look Elsewhere

Stacy was coming in to the back kitchen when Melissa was working and overheard a fellow employee complaining to the kitchen crew. Stacy was in the weeds and needed clean cutlery and had zero tolerance for whining. Enraged she snapped, "Are you looking for sympathy? Yeah? Well, look in the dictionary; it's between shit and syphillis. Now can I get some fucking clean spoons or what?"

Best Line Ever

One evening my father began to ascend the stairs when he paused, looked on my brothers, my mother, and I with contempt (i've forgotten what we did to piss him off) and when Mama asked, "Where ya goin'?" He responded, "I'm going upstairs to vomit in my underwear."