Stephen & Kreskin

Back in my days working at the pier, my manager was a young guy named Steve Mercer. I absolutely loved working with him because he had fabulously funny stories. Prior to our work together he was an assistant to The Amazing Kreskin. Steve said he was just brutal to work for and eventually the two had it out. Steve told me that the last conversation he and Kreskin had ended with him yelling at Steve, "Had I known that you were going to be the worst personal assistant EVER, I wouldn't have hired you." To which Stephen replied, "Hellllloo! You're the psychic!"

Party Girl

My favourite line from this movie: "I would like a nice, powerful, mind-altering substance. Preferably one that will make my unborn children grow gills."

(photo kidnapped from charm.net)

Visiting Cousin Amanda

Over the summer, Marina went around the corner to meet our cousin Amanda's new baby and to bring a little gift. Here is the text that she sent as soon as she got home:
"i went to amanda's to meet the baby and give her a gifty and she was sleeping which at first was fine bc she has a newborn - then i saw past her and who was lying dead sound asleep alongside her at 545 in the afternnon? None other than her helpful husband...Seriously, i worked an entire day and spent $$$ on an outfit for ur baby only to come see u in bed sleepin gettin paid by the govt to raise ur truant kids! Wtf mate?!?"
Clearly, we have a deep afinity for our relatives. Not.

Dad's Take on Oprah

(photo kidnapped from nigeriashowbiz)

"I don't know what she's like to live with, but I'll tell you this, she's one hell of a broad." This statement was made to me about 6 years ago when I stopped at the house to find him watching a Dr. Phil ep of Oprah. I had begun to notice that my father was home by 3:30 every day so I asked my mother what the hell was up with the new hours he'd been keeping. She said that he started going in earlier so he could be home in time to watch The Oprah Winfrey Show. Is that freakin' endearing or what?

Darlene's Wish Comes True

Visiting Melissa like two weeks ago, her roommate's daughter asked me if I wanted to see a picture of her boyfriend. I said sure and she ran upstairs and did not return with a school photo of a fellow nine year old, as I expected. No, Darlene showed me a page ripped from a magazine of Ryan Reynolds. She then peered down at the picture and said in her little girl lisp, "I wan' him to get a di-borce and den he can mawry me."
When I heard today that he and Scarlett Johansson were seperating I texted Melissa the news and said, "Ding! Darlene - your wish has been granted."

Superhero Name

To determine your Superhero name, you must take your favourite colour as your first name and your favourite alcoholic beverage as your last name. Therefore I am Green Cosmo. (Green Caucasian was a close second tho...)

Sittin' Too Close

Earlier this year I had some time off and watched every season of Desperate Housewives that was available on DVD from the library. Then I rewatched some old eps of The Office. Apparently I had been quoting these shows and talking about them far too much because one afternoon my mother snapped and said, "You are watching entirely too much television. You're either working in an office filled with lunatics or living on a cul-de-sac with a bunch of desperate women. You really need to get out more, dear."