Looks Can Be Deceiving I Guess

Bill from produce was telling me one day of the time he and a buddy of his were in Chicago for a Leather Convention. At nightfall they got dressed and headed to the elevator. Bill was in his usual attire for a night at the leather bar: Levi's 505's, leather chaps, engineer boots, no shirt, leather vest and leather jacket. Topped off with Master's cap to let the boys know he means business. Once in the elevator, an older gentleman nudged Bill with his elbow, winked and said with complete sincerity, "Gonna be knockin' the ladies dead ta'night, eh fellas?!" Um...if by ladies you mean queens, then yes. That is absolutely their intention. Something tells me he needs to take his gaydar in for inspection.

The Maria Puzo of St. Louis

A few weeks back Laine and I were out for the day with her mother, the lovely Mrs. Kohl, of the Kohls of Missouri. Well, Mrs. Kohl was telling us of her doctor back home and his troubles of late. It seemed that this gentleman of a certain age had recently been left by his wife of two decades due to another gentleman that the Missus had met online. (Yikes.) The story came to a conclusion when Mrs. Kohl said, "She did come back; she took the horses, left the children."

Seven

Back in '05 when I worked at the Hellmouth, there was a cat named Seven who was real suave and totally beatnik. He was what the gals back home would call a hot bundle. Well, on one of our many discussions out in the parking lot after closing, Seven would share with us some interesting and often times bizarre observations and revelations that he had come to know. Here is a personal favorite: "I aspire to one day cuckold Quincy Jones." I believe that he actually has a shot at this...

Friendship Can Exist Btwn Libs & Repubs

Back in my days working the aisles, I got into a heated argument with Toothpick. (Sidebar: I am well known for giving nicknames to co-workers. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes cruel, but always right on the money. Toothpick was to me like a tough Italian street corner singer from the 70s, complete with a toothpick in the side of his mouth.) Anyway, we were unloading and shelving the morning's incoming order when our chat veered toward politics. As someone who leans toward liberalism, I was not prepared to hear that Toothpick was a full fledged hard core left-wing conservative Republican. Our debate was regarding Ann Coulter and her then recent use of the word faggot. I guess I assumed that he would be as equally outraged as I was and was stunned to find that he didn't think much of it AND that he actually was a fan of Coulter's, finding her to be "one hot mama." I nearly tossed my organic chocolate chip cookies into the pocket of my apron. Toothpick figured that since people used language like that in say, Scorsese's "The Departed," that it should come as no surprise to hear it said outside the realm of Hollywood films. I could hardly catch my breath. He said, "Films are reality, honey." I stopped dead and spoke with each word becoming louder than the last, "Are you in-sane?? 'Films are reality'?? Did ya see 'The Lord of The Rings,' cause I haven't seen any talking trees lately." Toothpick chuckled and had to agree. I then told him that we should vow never to discuss politics or Ann Coulter again. We spit, shook, and moved on. About half hour later I was putting away some sauce in a jar and I asked Toothpick what it was for and where he thought it ought to go. He responded, "Oh, yeah, this stuff is great! Well, you're a vegetarian, right? Yeah, well, it's mostly used on meats. I like it on steak and chicken; I even like it on Ann Coulter." And I never laughed so hard.