Boris Yelnikoff

My favourite line from Whatever Works was when Larry David turns to a scantilly clad Evan Rachel Wood and says, "That's an awfully agressive ensemble, you looking to wind up in an abortion clinic?"

Robert Davi

Texting conversation between myself and Xavier:

Me: dude! Robert Davi put out an album of sinatra songs! it's really good - i think i'm gonna buy it.
Xave: Who?
Me: "Jake, up! Come on, move it!"
Xave: No shit! Jake Fratelli?
Me: the one and only! heard some of it at the movies last night and was blown away.
Xave: Just like fuckin' Saigon!
Me: I was in Junior High, dickhead.

(Davi fans will need no explanation.)

Mr. Ralston

While working in The Hellmouth one of our regulars, and later a café employee, was a hugely flamboyant and utterly hilarious fella named Buddy. He was as gay as a parrot flying from a tree in Liberace's garden and was loved by everyone who met him. Once a few of us were chatting about something funny that Buddy had done the other day and we must have mentioned his boyfriend or something when Jared said seriously, "Buddy's gay? Huh...wow. I had no idea." The next day when Buddy came in to work I said, "Oh my God, Buddy, Jared didn't know you were gay!" I can still see Buddy's expression at this. He paused, clearly in shock, mouth literally agape and quietly stammered, "Am I doing something wrong? How could he not know?" Honestly, I have no idea. Buddy was a hairstylist who wore eyeliner, glitter, and occasionally a skin tight girl's Wonder Woman t-shirt. I mean Jesus knew Buddy was gay, and I'm fairly certain that they've not met.

What are you good at?

At Bishop's the other night this question was one of many that we pondered on his couch. My reply? "Eating cookies. I can eat the fuck outta a cookie." Bishop then instructed me to "write that shit down" and add it to my Scraps blog. So I did.

Your Mama's so...

...black, she went to night school and got marked absent.

Now, normally, I am not a fan of the "Your Mama's So" jokes, but this one had me howling!

The Truth About Sam from True Blood

Overheard at Merlotte's, "God bless who made those jeans." (referring to owner and local hottie Sam Merlotte) "I'm serious. I'd wear him like a scrunchie." Well, honey, you ain't alone. Most certainly one of the series' funniest lines.

Predators

Last night I was watching Predators - starring that smoldering bookish bad ass Adrien Brody - with my little brother, Xavier. Half way in, Xave says, "Ya know Doug's dad was a mercenary."
"Doug Cunningham?"
"Yeah. And a Mormon. A Mormon mercenary."
"Don't hear that everyday."
"No, ma'am, ya don't."