A Great Winter Pickup Line

I received this little chat up from a sassy fella I worked with a few years back. He'd just come in from the cold and his cute little Joe Dairy face was all rosy; his nose all red and sniffly. He sidled up next to me and suavely stated, "You're hot. I'm cold. Let's get together and make a thunderstorm." Back home, that's what they call a smooth operator.

Butch from Dave's High School Days

"Oh, yeah, Butch. He had a lazy eye and he sold gold and car stereos. His father owned a junkyard." Also, I'd like to add that Butch dated an Italian girl who was 90lbs soaking wet, stood 5'1" with gigantic hair (it was Jersey in 1990) and drove an '87 Buick Grand National. I don't care if it's Jersey, Dubai, or freakin' Compton, that's just bad-ass.

Paul Newman

"It really is a throw-away society, isn't it? I mean, you throw away everything. You throw away your institutions, you throw away your faith in Congress or The Supreme Court; marriage, church. And everything is under attack. You throw away, for the most part, bottles, cans; you litter roads and you throw away wives, children, careers, whatever. So we recycle all the bottles, we recycle all the things. We try to fix the toaster instead of throwing it away and when we get into trouble, we try to fix it."

(i don't know who took this photograph, but it's lovely.)

Robin Thicke's Number One Fan

One evening at Bishop's we were kicking it back watching VH-1 Soul. Suddenly a smooth, sassy gent came on singing "Lost Without You." Bishop's eyes glazed over and he went into a trance as we listened to the over-the-top lyrics like,
"Tell me how you love me more
And how you think I'm sexy baby...
You wanna touch yourself when you see me
Tell me how you love my body..."
I mean, no one is more of a music snob than Bishop, so I had to question this sudden adoration. Robin Thicke is pretty as all get out, and he sings like a songbird, but that does not warrant this giggly schoolgirl reaction from my nearest and dearest. When I asked what the hell he was thinking when he listened to this sappy love song, he replied, "He could be singing about beets and brussel sprouts and I wouldn't care." Well, there you have it.

Oh, wait, you were serious about that?

Penelope: "Damian had guinea pig in Peru."
Star: "Really. Huh. I had hamster in Chicago."

Foreign Exchange Blues

Back in '94, Todd was trying to comfort Giorgia during English Lit class when she told us about her drunk house father. She was from Italy, and so Todd felt obliged to speak on behalf of our culture: "Don't get the wrong impression of America. Not all Americans are like that. Most of the time both parents are drunks."

Introducing: Bill from Produce

"Did you hear? Whole Foods got a new meat smoker. And it's not me!"