The Truth Hurts

Bishop and I were hanging out and the news came on with a story about women being bamboozled through online dating sites. They said that many women between the ages of 40 and 55 who are seeking relationships online seem to be more susceptible to scams. One psychiatrist said that it was because women of that age tend to fall in love easier than younger women. I found this statement to be so absurd that I couldn't help but blurt out, "Please. Just call it what it is: Desperation."

Birthday Hell

Fr. Michael was telling me that his boyfriend, E, decided one evening to announce his birthday plans: "I was thinkin' that for my birthday I'm gonna get like a party bus to take me and like twelve friends to a bunch a different bars. It's 800 bucks. We can afford it if we ask everyone to pay for it." Michael's response? "Star, can you believe this shit? I mean, have I adopted a thirty year old child? I need to be gettin' some money from the damn state for raising this fool, cause this shit is ridiculous." It needs to be stated that E expects the guests to chip in for the bus as well as buy him a gift or gifts and pay for drinks at every bar. Kids these days...

Dear Iggy Pop,

(photo by Annie Leibowitz kidnapped from hollywoodtoday)

It's official, you've hit the big time. My 89 year old grandmother actually said to me the other day, "Dear, I am in love with that Iggy...Iggy Pop is it? Well, that John Barry song that he sings, We Have All the Time in the World, that you copied for me, I simply adore it. That young man has such a unique and lovely voice!"

LBJ

My BFF's father, Mark, was a constant source of humour in our childhood. We were reminiscing the other night about the time Amy's brother, and his friend, Carl, were over. Carl saw that Amy was reading a book about LBJ and asked, "Hey, Amy, what's that book about?" Mark turned down his newspaper and said, "You mean to tell me that you don't know who Lyndon BAINES Johnson is???" Carl replied in all seriousness, "Is she a tennis player?" Mark just grumbled under his breath and went back to his paper.

I Am Sawyer

I have a knack for giving nicknames to co-workers and regulars. The inspiration for all of this came from Cerpts, who I believe is responsible for giving Grey Haired Skank her name. Until I knew this I referred to her as Flintstone Feet. Here are some of my gems:

Hamburger Face

Sassy Britches

Footface

Hot Flash

Sexy Sleeves

Mr. Shit

Skullet Rob

Tapeworm

Starchy Pants

Clipboard

Mr. & Mrs. Mocha

Move Over Joan Crawford...

(photo kidnapped from allthingscrawford)

...there's a new diva to be reckoned with, and her name is Bishop. Last night Bishop and I were hanging out when we came upon the topic of this new thing with kids using bath salts as drugs and Bish went bananas. I mean, he lost his damn mind. He started ranting and yelled, "These mutha-fuckers are fuckin' up my bath time!!" Hmmm....gangsta, yet girly. Interesting combination, don't you agree? Don't fuck with this drama queen's bath time, cuz he'll cut a bitch. And you know it.

At Last

Fr. Michael informed me, tongue-in-cheek, just the other day that, "It's taken two thousand years, but Pope Benedict has finally exonerated the Jews for the death of Christ." Well thank goodness. I'm sure there were legions of Jews up nights worrying themselves sick over this. Maybe a few Romans as well, perhaps?