Andy from Produce

"Yer name's Star? Star. That's a ugly name. From now on your name is Swamp."
I suppose I shoulda been offended, but it caught me so off guard that I couldn't help but laugh. Especially since this was the only thing Andy ever said to me in the 2.5 years we would work together.

Martin Short Explains...

...his incomparable impression of Jerry Lewis.

"The old Jerry has a symbolic lozenge in his mouth. His laugh is like a plum pudding boiling over."

(from Sit Down Comedy early 2006)

Ridiculously Hilarious Website

I don't know about you, but I find this site to be quite amusing. I especially like the testimonials...

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html

Nana Irma Speaks Up

My Nana has always stated that there exists no better cook than her mother-in-law, my Great Granny Esther. This was made clear to me at age 11 while witnessing a heated argument between her and my Grandad. As she served me a slice of pizza from a local shoppe, Nana Irm smiled down at me and said, "You know, dear, no one made a better pizza than my mother-in-law." (I was a bit baffled, being that Esther was very German and not at all Italian.) It was at this point that Grandad Thomas jumped in with, "Oh, hogwash! Irma, you make Mom out to be much better than she actually was. Her cooking was merely fair." This was apparently akin to a punch in the gut, because for the first and only time in my life, Nana Irma became angry. She snapped her head around and shouted in my Grandad's face, "THAT'S A LIE, TOM AND YOU KNOW IT! My mother-in-law could make B.M. taste good!" Then the room fell into the deepest silence that may ever have been known to mankind. Well, until I whispered 'gross...' under my breath.

Cheeks on cheeks

Cheeks: "Y'know, I wonder how much of my come would fit into those dimples..."

I'm certain that many a man, and perhaps a handful of females as well, have pondered that very same thought. A shout out to Blaine for telling me this back in '05; I feel I've found a fellow deviant in Cheeks after hearing this bold and honest statement. Mmm...Sawyer....

Oh How I Love This Time of Year...

...if only because the drive from my place to my parents' allows me to pass by a local garden center with a sign that proclaims: "Burpee Seeds - 75% off!" I crack up every time I see it and one day I will summon the courage to go in and coerce the sales person to speak the words that make me so insanely giddy. Because honestly, what could possibly be funnier. Okay, well, yes, a Marx Brothers or W.C. Fields film or maybe even an episode of The Office. But, I think it's hysterical.