More Laughs From The Produce Team

Ralph was standing around scowling at those certain customers that swarm to the free fruit samples like vicious wasps. Bill walks up to him to ask what's wrong and the response he got was not one that you'd expect from a nice fatherly type like Ralph.
"So, Ralph, what's goin' on? What's got ya down?"
"I'll tell ya what's buggin' me, these feeders here. I mean look at that woman there; she's eatin' like she's got two assholes."
Well, there ya have it.

Allow Me to Introduce Y'all To Marina

Okay, so my cousin Marina is basically my other half and shares with me an equally bizarre sense of humor. Well, back in my super market days, I was telling her about how insane the customers would go for the fresh roasted pb. She became irrationally irate and ranted: "Cashew butter? Hazelnut butter? What next-'Do you have any busted nut butter?' I mean, honestly." Busted nut butter...wonder how that shit tastes on my morning bagel...

Bill from Produce Wows Us Again

Joe Produce: "So, Bill, how 'bout you, man? Would you do gay porn for a million bucks?"

Bill: "For a million bucks? Honey, I'd do gay porn for dinner."

(when i told my mother that he said this she immediately hollered 'OH BILL! why would he degrade himself in such a way!?' clearly momma only knew a teeny tiny bit of the bill i knew and loved.)

Sarcasm à la Amy

Star: "Toby saw a Bald Eagle out back of Saturn last month."
Amy: "Oh yeah? I saw a unicorn in my backyard. Are you sure he wasn't high? I mean, did the eagle talk to him..."

Night Shift's Best Line

Those wacky '80s writers, Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel, brought what I consider to be one of the bestest silly lines in comedy history.

Scene: Chuck, as played by Henry Winkler, and Blaze, played by Michael Keaton, are locked in the city jail. Chuck receives a visit from his fiancée; it does not end well...

Chuck: "Did ya see that? My fiancée just spit on me."
Blaze: "And just after you were deloused..."

For whatever it's worth, I'm in stitches right now. It's a little known classic in my opinion.