Bleck!

Skylar's mum works at a gluten free bakery and a few weeks back he brought in some loaves for us gals to test out. I finally got around to trying a slice the other day. Yeah, it's not good. When I saw him at work I was straight up honest with him; "Skylar, that gluten free bread was so bad, I think it gave me rickets."

Delish!

Sitting next to Skylar in the office the other day, I was leaning over his shoulder when he says, "You smell really good." He turns around and sees that I was eating a butterscotch Dum Dum. "Oh, it's that. I was like, you smell like breakfast syrup..."

Ouch

One of Fr. Michael's clients came up to him in the hall and told him, "You wouldn't be so bad lookin' if you weren't so big." Hmm...I think there may be a compliment somewhere in that insult...

Old School Style

My brother Wayne was telling me and our brothers about his recent jaunt to a little barber shop in Malvern, PA. He went on to tell us that it was definitely a throwback to the kind of shops he'd go to as a kid back in the day. "So, I grab a seat in the waiting area and the owner's got a bowl of mini candy bars. There's a couple Milky Ways and some Three Musketeers. Then there's some Sports Illustrated mags on the table. I mean, I didn't even know they still published that. But the best was there was this old little tv and they were playing Good Times." I bet Sanford & Son was on next.

Arizona or Bust

IM conversation between myself and my coworker who is hoping to find a new position out in Arizona.

Hugh: there's an opening for an on-call mammography technologist in glendale, az

Me: um
       i think you need schooling for that

Hugh: lol yeah

Me: and no offense, but you aren't super compassionate
       so i don't think you'd make the ladies feel at ease

Hugh: the tv in the waiting room would be showing action movies nonstop

Me: that'll ease the tension for sure
       nothing prepares a gal for a mammogram like Commando

Late Night at 7-11

Standing in line with Michael late one night at Sev, I noticed the candy aisle which is also the condom aisle. Always trying to one-up Michael in the shock department, I said, "Oh honey, look, condoms. But we don't need those, cause we bareback it." I should have known that it is nearly impossible to out-filth Michael. He didn't miss a beat when he looked at me and responded, "Fuq yeah. I'ma hit that fer the next 24 hours." Once again, out done. I couldn't help but laugh. As we walked to the car Michael said, "You know that guy standing in front of you totally heard what you said to me." "What guy?" (sometimes I can be so oblivious) "That guy in front of you in line heard what you said to me and turned around to check you out. Then when he heard what I said he looked at me, grinned and said 'Word is bond'." Never a dull moment in my bizarre little life.

Moron, your bus is leaving...

Hanging out with Bishop last week, I showed him that hilarious YouTube clip of the anchors from Good Day Philadelphia. They were interviewing Ryan Lochte and man, that kid is dumb as a bag of hammers. I mean, I have seriously never heard anything good about him. He seems like the kind of arrogant, pompous kid who is a complete douche bag. My favourite part was when Lochte explained that he is a man at night and he's a man in the morning. Is he a little girl in the afternoon?? I mean, what does that even mean? Bishop and I were quoting it all night and as he walked me to the door, Bishop started laughing to himself and said, "Ya know, they should publish that. Pearls of Wisdom by Ryan Lochte." He clutched the railing and burst into a fit of laughter. I said, "Yeah. It'd be a four hundred page fuckin' blank journal, right?"

Monster

Chatting with Marina the other day and she was telling me of her three month old son's giant burp. "I was walking to the kitchen with him on my shoulder, lightly patting his back and it was like King Kong burped. It was so loud I was afraid to look at him. I thought there'd be guts all down my back. It was truly terrifying."

Convo with Xavier

I was FaceTiming with my little brother and told him that my godmother got work at a holistic studio in Philly.
"She's like, the Reiki priest? Wizard? Grand poo-bah."
He said poo-bah and I doubled over laughing and smacked my head on the table. It's such an underused word...