Vehicle Misidentification III

Driving around Hawkins territory not long ago, I actually saw the Starsky & Hutch Gran Torino striped tomato drive right in front of me. I involuntarily started to shout, "OH MY GOD!!! The tomato! Zebra-3!!" I am a huge geek for Starsky & Hutch (Starsky was clearly my fave) and seeing the Torino right before my very eyes was totally incredible. Xave was riding shotgun and said, "I see those things everywhere." Sure he does. Marina - who is considerably younger than I - questioned why I called it a tomato and I explained that it was a Gran Torino from a TV show I watched as a kid. Her response, "Clint Eastwood is amazing."
About three hours later, Marina and I were driving through Pine Hill when she saw a car pass us and asked, "Is that a Gran Torino?" I answered no, not having the heart to tell her that it was an '85 Crown Vic. Her lack of knowledge in the arena of vehicle identification has provided me with hours and hours of laughter. Bless her heart for that.

Vehicle Misidentification II

Marina and I were at Hawkins chatting with Xavier when he told us that he was putting his '88 Mustang on Craigslist. The evening wore on and after we devoured some pizza and finished up Mad Max, Marina and I went to head home. While dishing out hugs, Marina said to Xave, "Good luck selling your CRX." And she was serious as a heart attack.

Late Night Break In To The EPA

So my BFF works for the EPA and after we met for dinner the other night, I had to go peepod. It was late and nothing in the parking lot where I left my car was open. So we went to her work and she told the security guard that she forgot something and could she please be granted entrance into building four. As we drove over to her building I chastised her for lying to a government official. She responded, "No I didn't. I forgot to deposit urine into one of the facility's toilets." She got me on that one.

Vehicle Misidentification I

During Marina's quest to buy a car, she became interested in the make and model of certain passing cars. She especially was interested in purchasing a Honda, thus I was to hear "Is that a Honda?" nearly every ten minutes while driving her around the tri-state region. I am by no means an expert on cars; I can narrow it down and recognize some, however Marina knew little to nothing of the identification of any vehicle. Our conversation went something like this:
"Is that a Honda?"
"That's a Chrysler."
"Is that a Honda?"
"That's a Ford."
"Is that a Honda?"
"That's a police cruiser."
"Is that a Honda?"
"That's a fire truck."
"Is that a Honda?"
"That's a man on a bike selling ice cream."

Seven Gives His Opinion

"Sometimes when I look at Barbra Streisand's face I wonder if I'll ever be able to achieve an erection again."
(i had said that i always found her to be super attractive, but sev said that she hasn't been remotely attractive since a star is born. was she in that?? if kris kristofferson is in a film, i see only him...)

Enrique Iglesias

Out of nowhere last Thursday night, Fr. Michael brought up singer Enrique Iglesias and said, "Oh, that voice! (then cuts into a whiny impression of Hero by Iglesias) It sounds like he's getting an anal massage." He hit that nail on the proverbial head.

Bradley Cooper

Marina and I were in the kitch chatting when The Hangover worked its way into our conversation. I remarked that Bradley Cooper was from Philly, the city of our birth, where we work and where Marina now lives. In her usual charming way she replied in a breathy voice, "Home-boi..." I then informed her that he is apparently dating Renée Zellweger. Before I could finish saying "...Zellw-" she cut in and plainly stated, "I don't like that choice. Not one bit." Take heed, Bradley.

The Ice Cube of The Hellmouth

Once while at the counter daydreaming, Blaine quickly walked up, stood directly in front of me and said, "I just checked myself...and I've wrecked myself." He then dashed off leaving me in stitches on the café floor mats. God damn that fella is a hoot.

Film Reviews By Da

After watching The Butterfly Effect - "That's number one on my hit parade as the weirdest movie I've ever seen." Hit Parade? Pops, you're totally dating yourself...

The Return of Seven

One afternoon at the Hellmouth I was chillin' at the info desk and chatting with Seven. A very young and aesthetically pleasing girl strolled past and Seven followed her every step with longing eyes. He leaned towards me, still watching her and remarked, "I'd like to make-a some romance in her." Hilarity.

Lyn's Faux Pas

Today I was hanging out at Ryan's house with Marina and our cousin Mary Frances. Marina & Ryan's sister Lyn arrived just as Mary Fran and I were heading out. We exchanged hugs and then Mary hopped on her lil' scooter and we were off. Later I saw Marina and she said that Lyn had pulled her aside and asked, "When did Mary start wearing a helmet?" Clearly Lyn was unaware that Mary just didn't wanna remove her headgear whilst indoors.

Bill from Produce's New BFF

Karleen and Bill were in the floral department breaking down boxes when a nine year old boy came over and asked,
"What do you do with those boxes?"
"We throw them away."
"Ooo! Hey Mom, can I have one so I can make a diorama?"
When Bill relayed this story to me he said, "I betchya I'll be seeing him at The Bike Stop in about six years."

Alien vs. Pitch Black

At Hawkins last night with Michael, we arrived during a showing of Pitch Black. After we left and were back at my place we were discussing Avatar and Sigourney Weaver's performance. Talk turned to her role as Ripley in the Alien series and Michael said, "Now that was an alien. Not like in Pitch Black. That thing looked like a hammerhead shark with legs." It so did.

Marina's Breakup

A few years back Marina was dating this dim but kind hearted guy named Jeff. They hadn't worked out because he was unable to commit to even seeing them progressing towards marriage. You know those conversations where it's like, "Do you see us eventually moving in together, getting engaged, then getting married and having a family? Like within the next seven years." Personally, I think that is a reasonable question to ask a man you've been dating for a year and that it is not at all pushy. His response? "I dunno." So Marina got upset and decided that if he didn't see them as having a future that she shouldn't waste her time getting more involved with someone who didn't share her feelings. Jeff barely reacted to her saying they should breakup which made it even more painful on her end.
Several weeks passed and feeling the need for closure, Marina called him up. Jeff answered and she said, "Hey, Jeff. I wanted to see if I could come over so we could talk." A normal person would answer in either the negative or the positive. Not Jeff. "Wuh, whaddya wanna talk about?" Exasperated she replied, "What are your feelings on the colour red?" Clearly she made the right decision by moving on.

Davy's Crazy Coworkers

At Hawkins the other day Dave was telling us about his IT work at a job once. One gal's keyboard was so nasty that when he shot the compressed air into the keyboard out came filth, nastiness, a fingernail and a chicken wing.
Then there was the gal who called him down to her desk and shouted, "What the fuck is wrong with this goddam piece of shit!?"
"Um, you have a giant pizza magnet on your hard drive."
"So?!"
"So you're destroying it. And your screen looks like that because of all the kitchen magnets you have surrounding it."
"Well why the fuck is it metal if you aren't allowed to put magnets on it?!!"